TOUCH MY MONKEY

Namaste!

I am writing from Shimla, a lovely hill-station in Eastern Himachal Pradesh (India). The weather is amazing - especially after the hellacious heat of Amritsar and Delhi. Actually had to put on a fleece last night. Our hotel (Hotel White) has amazing mountain views from the terrace. Yes, we have a terrace . . . and a sitting room. Posh! But also weird stains on the sheets and one of those all-in-one bathrooms where the shower is just another thing on the wall by the toilet and everything gets/stays wet. NOT posh!

We arrived here yesterday evening after a long, scary drive from Dharamsala. Took us about eleven hours to cover the 250 kms of winding, no-guardrailed mountain roads and teeming town streets where LITERALLY a half-inch separated Oscar from the trucks passing in the opposite direction and the buildings and the human/bovine masses. Horn honking. Whistle blowing by actual traffic cops. Whistle blowing by random guys who get out of their cars and just start blowing whistles. Yelling and gesturing by helpful locals. Al is an absolutely amazing driver. It makes my stomach tie up in knots thinking about having to do it myself.

So, the top sight in Shimla in Jakhu Temple. It's dedicated to Hanuman, the Hindu monkey god. It involves a GRUELING hike up a seemingly endless, almost completely vertical mountain. At the bottom of the mountain, several old men try to rent you sticks to beat off the monkeys. Thinking this was a tourist scam, Jess and I declined. As we climbed and climbed and climbed and huffed and panted and thought we would truly DIE, we noticed that a lot of locals were carrying the sticks. As we neared the top, the monkeys became quite thick. And evil. Their little red faces with their devilish brown eyes, staring at you as if they want to eat you up. Or eat what's in your pockets.

They attacked a guy with an offering in his pocket. Swarming him and climbing up his legs and reaching into his pockets and screeching. They were running EVERYWHERE and there were DOZENS, not even counting the babies that were clinging to the stomachs of their satanic mothers as they raced around, jumped overhead, shimmied up fence posts and reached out to grab people as they made their way into the temple. Children were crying. Women were shrieking. Men were panicked. Sticks were shaken with great purpose. It was horrifying. Yet strangely exhilarating. We felt GREAT as we made our way back down the mountain - and qualified as "Absolutely Fit" for doing it within the "best" time limit. (Yes, they have a sign that gives you fitness ratings by age group based on time it takes you to reach the top.)

We then decided to check out the Viceregal Lodge, a gorgeous & imposing castle-y structure. The Tour Office told us we'd been misinformed. No need to take a taxi, madam! Short flat walk! Five uphill kms later, we dragged ourselves into the entrance, totally gutted. Anyone want to guess whether or not we took a taxi back? No?

So the taxi dropped us off at the bottom of the steep winding steps that led up to the hill on which our lovely hotel is perched. (The whole main town is off limits to traffic - and smoking for that matter - which is actually pretty heavenly. The whole town is actually pretty bizarre - it looks like a little Disneyland, with white steeds to rent and ride around on, cotton candy vendors, a huge Catholic Church, leftover buildings from the Raj.) We dumped some things and came out onto our empty terrace. Empty, that is, except for a monkey. I say to Jess, "Oh, there's a monkey out here." As I say that, it comes running at us. We yelled and stamped our feet and it jumped onto the roof above our heads and it's mouth became this FRIGHTENING round "O" and it started making this INSANE noise at us and three other monkeys ran at us from around the corner. We thought we were going to be attacked by rabid simians!!!! The ones on the ground were distracted by a bag of garbage, the screaming monkey on the roof was distracted by them . . . and we ran for safety. Good Hanuman!

We head off tomorrow for a bush camp on our way towards Corbett National Park. Trip is going fast so far! Dharamsala seems like years ago vs. two days! Loved it there and could have spent more time wandering amidst the monks. (No Dalai Lama - he's in the U.S.) Actually participated in a candlelight vigil on the first night (4/19), in honor of two young Tibetan monks that had self-immolated themselves earlier that day in Tibetan region of China. Did that make the news in U.S.?

Other highlight of last few days was the ULTRA-campy India/Pakistan border closing ceremony on 4/18. Heheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . . . it is a spectacle and a half. Get DOWN with your prancin', arm swingin', higher-than-high single-leg kickin', white spat wearin' selves, you Indian crossing guards:-)